


Sew the Hole in my Heart

by cadkitten



Series: Withering [3]
Category: Dir en grey
Genre: Addiction, Anal Sex, Angst, Bloodplay, Cumshot, Cutting, Desperation Play, Frottage, Hand Jobs, M/M, Masturbation, Mildly Dubious Consent, Mutual Masturbation, Nipple Play, Oral Sex, Pain, Requited Love, Sex Toys, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-04
Updated: 2011-08-04
Packaged: 2017-12-05 17:07:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/725743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadkitten/pseuds/cadkitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to Falling - It's been a year and things are looking up for both Die and Kyo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sew the Hole in my Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Beta Readers: gothic_hime, kismekilmeluvme  
> Song[s]: "Hole In the Earth (Renholder Remix)" by Deftones

It's been a year. One whole year since Kyo and I officially started to give our relationship a try. To be honest, I'm surprised it even lasted more than a week. I guess some part of me thought it was all out of pity and I just didn't understand how he was actually thinking. I thought when he found me there that night, hung-over and strung out, that he felt some form of obligation to me. But as time moved on, I realized that wasn't the case at all. He honestly wanted to give me a chance as the next person to let into his heart.

Slowly, he started to show me the man behind the one I saw all the time on stage. He opened up to me in ways I never suspected. He sort of had a method to the way he opened himself to me though. At first it wasn't all that obvious, but as time wore on, I started to realize he almost had an internal schedule for it. The first thing he let out was on the second week of our relationship. He told me all about his relationship with his wife and how, in the beginning, things had been wonderful. She'd shown him the world and opened his eyes to things he'd never seen or tried before. He'd felt like a whole new man. For the first two years, things had been perfection. No fights or anything else besides perfect bliss. But then things had started going downhill. The moment we'd started up touring more often, she'd pulled away from him and started taking pieces of herself back. Maybe it had been self-preservation, maybe it had just been a really bitch move on her part. Either way, it had left him feeling lost and empty. He knew he was the cause, but he could never solve it no matter how hard he tried. He gave up everything outside of her and the band in order to try to give her all he had left.

But when it came right down to it, she couldn't take the fact that his first love was the music. She'd pretended to be okay with it until she was confronted with the reality of the situation. Kyo couldn't let go of the band, though he'd fought tooth and nail to the very end to keep her as happy and as well as he possibly could. When he told me, he cried. He let me inside of him, let me see that pain. And he told me on the spot that no matter how it'd ended, he would always hold a place in his heart for her. But I knew already. How could I not? He'd held that part of my heart for all these years no matter how hard I tried to take it back. I told him how I felt on that day, how I'd felt watching him pull away from me and how much it had hurt. I told him all I'd contemplated and how many times I'd barely pulled myself back up to the surface to breathe during all these years.

He understood. On some level, we understood one another despite the situations being different. She'd broken his heart on purpose. He'd broken mine without even meaning to. But in the end, it all added up to this... to us. And we established that was what mattered.

For almost another month and a half we plodded along in the dating process, things at times getting really awkward. Like the first time I really kissed him. My mind really wasn't prepared for what happened, and it almost ripped us apart on the spot. His kisses are like drugs. It's something I can get drunk off of without ever touching a drop of alcohol. The way his tongue moves, the way he cradles the back of my head with this gentle pressure that requests silently for me to not go anywhere. It blew my mind. And not having had anyone touch me like that in so very long, I tried to rush things. But the moment I started undressing him, he freaked out on me and shoved me away. It's another moment I'll never forget. The look of pure panic on his face and the anger in his voice as he commanded me to stop. I felt like I'd been slapped in the face, though he'd never even raised his hand. It killed me inside. I knew I was in the wrong, but I couldn't really understand why. Usually that was just how relationships went for me. I dove in headfirst and prayed the water was deep enough. But with Kyo, I dove in on the wrong end of the pool and cracked my head open on the bottom.

A bitter fight had ensued, me accusing him of stringing me along and him accusing me of just wanting him for the fuck. But by the next morning, we were both apologizing and he explained to me that this was the first relationship he'd had that wasn't with a woman. He was just unsure of how to proceed and a little bit scared of the whole process. He told me how he wasn't entirely sure how things were going to end up in that department and he needed a little while to work on that. After a lengthy discussion we determined we'd move at his pace, but I'd tell him if I started to feel like I was being pushed away or like it was too slow. And we put the incident behind us, moving forward.

Like clockwork, Kyo came to me one night and sat down beside me, opening up and telling me all about how when he'd started bloodletting on stage, he'd become addicted to it. It had become his drug and he honestly hadn't ever wanted to stop. He told me all about how at that time, his wife had finally cut him off completely from any intimate contact and somehow he'd made up for it with that, letting it be his release. And that sometimes, he still found solace in it, sometimes he didn't bother to stop himself from feeling true pain in order to let off the steam from a bad day. He showed me his scars, the ones that would never heal and the ones that had mostly faded. And that night he let me touch them all, let me caress his body until we both fell asleep.

From then on, he wasn't adverse to my touch. I could kiss him and hug him and just lay there beside him at night and stroke over his side if that was what I felt like I needed to do. A week later, he let me move one step forward, bringing me to the bedroom and slowly stripping down to only his boxer briefs, reaching for me and doing the same. He lay back on the bed and pulled me to straddle him, tugging me down and kissing me. His words urged me on. "Do what you want. I'll stop you when I start feeling uncomfortable." And I took my time. My hands touched him everywhere except that one special place, my lips burning a trail down his neck and across his chest, latching onto one nipple and sucking. The cries he made beneath me were nothing short of beautiful. His hips bucked and his body writhed. I spent near fifteen minutes just sucking his nipples and playing with them until he was so hard I could feel his dick under me. My own was equally as worked up, the excitement of getting to pull those noises from him almost too much for me.

I spent near an hour exploring his body before I dared take hold of the material of his boxer briefs and slowly start to move them down. I just wanted to see, I told him. I wouldn't touch, I just needed desperately to see him, to know for certain what I should be seeing in my dreams. And he let me do it. Once I had him naked, I settled back on his thighs and just sat there, admiring him, my hands on his hips. I memorized everything about his dick without ever once touching him. The way he obviously had trimmed his hair and the way his erection jutted out from his body. The gentle twitch of it every few moments, and the way his balls were already drawn up tight, slightly reddened with how close he was to his end. "Show me," he requested. And I didn't have to ask what he meant. I just shifted around until my underwear joined his in the floor, and I settled back down, baring myself to him, a certain happiness in me that he'd even want to see.

It surprised me when he took my wrist and shocked me completely when he curled my hand around my own dick, issuing a quiet request for me to pleasure myself. I tried to move off of him, but he stopped me, keeping me where I was and watching me intently, his eyes almost curious. And so, I did as I was asked, touching myself in all the ways I enjoyed the most... the ways that had gotten me through many a lonely night. When I started to get close, I stopped, letting go of myself and trying hard to get myself under control again, certain he hadn't meant for me to actually finish in front of him.

But a moment later, he had his own dick in hand, his hips pushing up a little, straining under me as his hand moved over his hardened flesh, and he hissed out a whisper for me to show him the whole thing. He wanted the full deal, not just part of it. I touched myself as I watched him, my movements half frantic with him writhing in pleasure under me. It was so much more than I'd ever imagined and I found myself on the edge before I quite knew what was happening. And before I could stop it, I was cumming, my hips jerking forward and my release raining down over Kyo's body. I half expected him to panic, to tell me he hadn't wanted that; that I should have known better. But instead, he just paused to get some of it on his fingers and then used it to lubricate what he was doing to himself. The slick sound of him jerking off filled the room, and I watched as his face contorted in absolute pleasure. And when he came, I put my hand out, catching some of his cum on my fingertips and then rubbing it over the head of my own dick, mixing just the slightest bit of our essences.

From that night on, we never hid what we did from one another again. We didn't lock the doors, and we didn't bother leaving the couch if we felt the need to rub one out. It was one such night that I had been watching a bit of a raunchy show on TV and it had gotten me riled up something terrible. My dick had been aching in my pants for near half an hour, and I finally gave up on trying to calm down. The couple on screen started going at it again and I took my erection from my pants, curling my fingers around myself and starting to stroke off, just watching as one of them pushed the other down and took them from behind. My moans joined theirs and my hand moved quickly over my dick, intent on making this just a good, quick load.

It came as a surprise when Kyo's form appeared in front of me. In fact, it startled me so much, I almost came because of it. Almost, but not quite. I sat there in shock for a moment, staring at him as he watched me with what could only be described as hungry eyes. "You're so gorgeous when you think no one's watching you," he mumbled out, coming to kneel between my legs, his hands on my thighs. "It's such a relief to you by the time you take your dick in hand. You wait until you're desperate, until it's painful." There was no room for argument. Half because he was right and half because he didn't want to be argued with right then and I knew it.

He surprised me the moment he reached out and replaced my hand with his own, slowly stroking me. Pleasure shot straight through me and I was sure I was going to end up blowing my load all over him in only a few seconds. But his hand slid down under my balls and the moment I thought I was gone, he pressed there, making me gasp as I felt the waves of orgasm, but nothing came out. My hips settled, but I was still horny, still almost equally as desperate as I had been a moment before. He smirked up at me. "You were close... it was so obvious. You make this face when you're about to lose it." He leaned up and pressed a kiss to my lips before mumbling, "Close your eyes and don't open them." I did as I was told and for a few minutes he stroked me, playing with my balls every once in a while. And then something wet and slick slid across the head of my dick and I knew inherently it was his tongue. I let out a soft cry and he chuckled, holding one hand on my hip, his other still stroking at my dick as he swirled his tongue around the head of my cock and allowed his lips to close over the flesh, suckling a little bit. The process was almost achingly slow, but eventually he had most of me in his mouth, bobbing his head as he stroked the base in time with what he was doing. I was losing my mind, everything about this perfect and nothing short of glorious.

He popped off my dick with a loud suck and then he was in my lap. I heard him spit and a moment later, something warm pressed against my dick and his hand slid around me, slick with saliva. The moment he started moving, I knew it was his dick that was pressed hotly to my own and my eyes opened. He was watching me, a look of pure pleasure on his face. "This... good?" he panted out to me and all I could do was gasp out a, "Yes," in response. My hand joined his, linking fingers. Together we worked on our mutual pleasure, both of us almost frantic in it. I was the first to cum, our hands moving in a complete blur over our dicks, the feeling of him pressed against the underside of me almost too much for me to bear. And when I came, I pressed our hands over the top of my dick, letting the cum slip back down between us, giving us more lube. Inside my head I just focused on the fact that his hand was on my dick and my cum was all over his. And despite my orgasm, a moment later, I was almost frantically humping up into our hands, determined to feel him lose himself in the same way. I was still so horny I thought I was going to explode. My heart raced and my breathing was frantic. He kept pace with me, finally just letting me hold our dicks while he held my shoulders, his hips working quickly as he fucked my hand.

When he came, it was almost simultaneous to my second orgasm. We both completely wrecked my boxers and my shirt, jizz going everywhere as we kept right on humping against one another, my hand continuing to jerk us both off frantically. It was almost a full minute past our mutual release before we both stilled, slumping down against one another and trying to catch our breath. We spent most of the rest of that weekend exploring one another in every way except full-on anal. But the truth was, I had already accepted the possibility that that would never happen and I'd come to realize that I was okay with that.

And still, our relationship moved forward, each of us sharing things with the other that were either deeply buried secrets or else just horribly embarrassing. We shared our odd little quirks and our horror stories from the past. We bared our souls to one another and grew closer and closer together as time moved on.

And finally, that day came, the one I had been unsure how it was going to go over. The exact one year mark of the start of all of this. I came home from the store with the requested bag of M&Ms. It was Kyo's little secret desire. He always loved the little crunchy chocolates and would have one or two a day just to tide off the desire for them. I came home to a darkened apartment and soft music from the living room stereo. A single rose sat on the entry way table, a note tied to the stem that told me to leave the chocolates and my clothing, that I had a surprise waiting for me in the bedroom. It wasn't at all cryptic and actually quite blunt, making it obvious I was to be utterly and entirely naked before I thought about leaving the foyer. I did as it instructed me and left everything there, taking only myself to the bedroom.

What I found was Kyo on the bed, entirely naked and already hard. Beside him on the bed lay a single condom and a bottle of lube. When I got closer, he opened his legs and revealed to me that he had already been preparing for this, a slim red dildo already inside him. His voice came out like silk when he spoke, telling me how he'd been working up to it, trying to surprise me with this. He told me how he wanted me to take him, to show him how it could feel for this to be real.

By the time I got to the bed, I was already rock hard, my dick damn near leading the way. Just the thought of getting to take Kyo was something I'd been jerking it to for years and I couldn't help but be extremely excited by the prospect of it actually happening. I slid onto the bed and opened the condom, sliding it on and then lubing myself up before I reached for the vibrator, slowly fucking him with it and watching him carefully for how he reacted to what I did. Finding where he obviously liked it, I pulled it free and moved to replace it with myself as quickly as possible. Once engulfed in that glorious heat, he slid his legs around me, holding me in for a long few moments.

When he relaxed, I started to thrust, making sure I did it as reasonably close to how he'd like it with the vibrator as I could. Beneath me, he literally writhed in pleasure, his hand going between jerking harshly at his dick and clutching at the covers or my arm. Three times, he pushed his hand down to put his fingers around where I was entering him, feeling my dick slide past his fingers and into his body.

It wasn't something I could keep up for long, having wanted it for too long and not having rubbed the easy one out earlier in the day. Rather, the whole thing lasted maybe ten minutes before I couldn't stop myself any longer. My legs spread wider for balance and my hands held onto his hips as I just started to thrust in quick and shallow. I humped him so hard the bed protested, but he kept right on making those pleasured noises, his hand matching my pace on his achingly hard cock. He came before me, letting out a shocked sounding cry and losing it all over his own abdomen, some of it getting all the way up to his chest. Just watching him was all I could take, much less the feeling of him clamping around me, and a moment later I was shouting his name, my hips slamming in a last few frantic times as I came so hard my head hurt.

As I rolled to the side, pulling off the condom, Kyo just lay there, this incredibly silly grin on his face, his hand rubbing the cum on his chest around, not really caring he was being messy with it. He let out a soft laugh and shook his head. "I wish I'd known it was going to be this amazing all along. I never would have denied you." He frowned a little at me and reached to run his fingertips down my cheek. "This was amazing... you're amazing." He pulled me in close for a gentle kiss and then whispered, "I love you."

And in that moment, I could feel myself become complete.

**The End**  



End file.
